444 Things to Avoid Doing
by in.the.pursuit.of.snark
Summary: A guide for any nations that wish to join the land of World Conferences, these things stated have been documented as forbidden for any nation to do.
1. 1 to 5

**I got inspired to write this after reading iTorchic's fabulous fic, 333 ways to get kicked out the UN. Go check it out after reading this. Please review after finishing.**

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**1\. Misinterpret culture**

America had invited the Italians out for lunch at McDonald's. He had hoped that Italy would not be too upset that there was no pasta on the menu. However, he did not expect to see Romano pull up 20 minutes later, all decked in mafia gear, demanding a refund because 'his idiot fratello ate his happy meal, but still wasn't happy.'

**2\. Pretend to Drown**

America had a great idea to make all the nations stay at one hotel while expecting to go to another World meeting. On the other hand, he did not expect to see a drunken England claiming that he was drowning. In a shower.

**3\. Go to Candy Mountain**

It was Halloween and America was throwing another spooky bash. People got drunk, found themselves in beds with strangers, and wore playboy bunny suits. But no one knew how to react when England showed up in a unicorn suit, asking random people in a squeaky voice if they wanted to go to Candy Mountain with him.

**4\. Confuse Holidays**

The Bad Touch Trio convinced England to turn them into children so that they could go trick-or-treating. When they went Finland's house, he greeted them in a Santa Suit. He stared at them, perplexed, for a few minutes, and went flipping through a calendar.

**5\. Pretend to be Santa's Helper**

England was sick of America constantly making up cheesy Christmas carols that mocked English culture, so he decided to teach him a lesson. He sent Norway dressed as a holiday elf to tell him that he was on Santa's naughty list. Needless to say, the Brit found the American huddled in a corner and sobbing that he would be a good boy.

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**Meow. Review.**


	2. 6 to 10

**CHAPTER TWO. I AM ON A ROLL!**

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**6\. Confuse sayings**

When China heard "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade," he wondered why you could not be life and hand out lemons. So he bought a shirt that said life and handed out lemons during a World meeting. Whenever a nation gave him a look, he started complaining 'why you no make lemonade'.

**7\. Use Magic**

The African nations decided it would be fun to get back at their European colonizers, so they took a trip to Nigeria's voodoo market and brought a couple few voodoo dolls to the World Meeting. They all chanted a few mystic rhymes and then proceeded to stab the dolls (specifically dressed to mimic their colonizers) while grinning like madmen.

**8\. Try to Learn Sex Education by Yourself**

Sealand always wondered what a sexual relationship was. England turned profusely red every time he asked him so he decided to try to learn it himself. He built a ship, named it Sexual Relation, and sat in it. He figured that was as close as he was going to get to finding out what it actually meant.

**9\. Teach Kids**

No one knew what France was up to when he handed Sealand "50 Shades of Grey" and said it was book on colors.

**10\. Lecture**

Nor did anyone know what America was doing; from what they could tell, he was lecturing a trash can on the benefits of showering.

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**Review. I'm lonely.**


	3. 11 to 15

**11\. Attempt to get Revenge**

Romano hasn't gotten his refund to this day, so he convinced Italy to go back, and while they were taking his order, he would dump pasta on the employees. The only Romano got was a kick in the shins. And Italy sadly claims that he had ordered his happy meal with extra happy, but he still did not feel 'happy'.

**12\. Confuse Languages**

America invited China this time out for breakfast at Burger King. When the clerks were taking the Chinese man's order, he questioned them on why there was no Burger Queen on their menu.

**13\. Attempt to get Revenge (Again)**

This time, however, Romano did this by stomping on their ketchup packets and proclaiming that Burger King was having free breakfast. He once again got kicked, this time on the chin.

**14\. Tell a Story**

After 15 minutes of whining and pleading, the South Korean managed to convince the North Korean to tell him a story.

"So once upon a time, there was this big dragon."

"Where did this dragon come from ~da-ze?"

"The dragon was Korean. Now shut up. The dragon created Korea because he was lonely. But one day, the dragon was so bored; he created the rest of the world."

"Well that was dumb choice ~da-ze."

"Agreed."

And that is the only thing that the Korea twins agree on to this day, other than them both agreeing that kimchi was tasty and that they were probably never be the same.

** 15\. Insult your Siblings**

Canada could easily be hidden among t-shirts since the fabric was more visible than him. If he wore one, all they would see was a shirt floating. As the Canadian dwelled over this particular thought, he walked past an "I'm with stupid" shirt.

While the nations were certainly shaken by the sight of floating shirt beside the American, they did all agree that it was true.

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**Moar to come. Come and watch my fabulous typing.**


	4. 16 to 20

**I'm back! It's almost midnight here, but I've decided to update for you lovely people! **

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**16\. Make a wish list**

"Dear Santa, I've been very good this year and was wondering if you could give these things: a robot fish, a spaceship, a snow cone machine, a mechanical moose, my own personal reindeer army, my very own money printer (so I can pay off my debts!), a pet mutant, the world's largest sock, a goat hat, and a ticket to never land. If I don't get all of these items, I will personally go up to the North Pole and slaughter all of you. Love, America."

America grinned at his work.

"Perfect!"

**17\. Question employees about their level of intelligence**

South Korea needed to pick a few things up before a conference, and for unknown reasons, North Korea was tagged along.

As the South Korean pushed his cart around the snack section, North Korea sat in the front, glaring at anyone that passed by. Before long, he walked up to a Walmart employee and began to ask doubtful questions about their level of education.

While both Koreans were kicked out in the end, South Korea bought everything on his shopping list while keeping to a tidy budget.

**18\. Watch the Hunger Games**

Everyone knew that watching the Hunger Games before a World Meeting was a bad idea. But they had not anticipated to see America dressed as Katniss, twelve minutes later, yelling every time that anyone spoke, "I volunteer as a tribute!"

**19\. Ask for wine at Chucked Cheese's**

America was confused on why every time he invited someone out to eat, they'd either threaten the staff or question their menu. So this time around, he invited Sealand and France to accompany him to Chuckee Cheese's, the former, excited, the latter, annoyed. The American had to take the tween outside after France asked to see the wine menu, though.

**20\. Try to find the Muffin Man**

No one knew how to react when Italy asked them seriously, "Do you know the Muffin Man?" They were more concerned with the fact Italy was being serious.

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**REVIEW PLEASE.**


	5. 21 to 25

**I know I should be updating my other story, but this is so much fun to write! Enjoy! ;)**

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**21\. Backstab**

North Korea wasn't quite finished with making the Walmart employees' life as miserable as possible. To do this, he went in the store with a megaphone and started yelling into it that Target was having a massive sale. He took off as quickly as he could before the Walmart bouncers could catch him.

**22\. Find Paul Blart**

After watching the movie, South Korea quickly ran to the nearest mall and started asking every security cop he could find if his name was Paul Blart.

**23\. Give out free donut seeds**

When America was half an hour late to a meeting, England was sent out to find the superpower. He found him ten minutes later, at a shopping deluxe, waving a bag of Cheerios, shouting, "Free donut seeds!"

**24\. Become Statefarm**

America had decided to watch numerous Statefarm commercials in a row for his weekend off, so when he returned to a World Conference on Monday, he acquired a habit of yelling, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there!" whenever someone dropped something. He would then look around frantically, expecting a Statefarm employee to pop out.

**25\. Eat on the go**

Thailand was late to a meeting, so he was forced to skip breakfast. On the way, he was in the mood to eat vanilla pudding. However, the only jar of pudding he could get was labeled with _M-A-Y-O_ and America had suspiciously giggled as he handed him the jar. As he walked to the meeting, he ate his pudding. He could never figure out why so many people were staring at him.

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**Yeah, I know that 22 is sort of a repeat, but I love that movie! Whoever is the 100th reviewer will get a one shot fic of their otp! However, I do not accept Rochu, USUK, Sufin, Gerita, or Spamano. Sorry! See you guys later!**


	6. 26 to 30

**I want to say on a side note that Thailand didn't know what the sticker was and it really was vanilla pudding he was eating. America just decided to stick a mayo sticker on the jar. Happy reading!**

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**26\. Encourage Dieting**

When Germany first heard of the modern day Santa, he was confused why an obese man would ask for even more fattening foods. So this year around, he placed fruit and veggies, along with workout skim milk. He left Santa a note, saying that it couldn't hurt for him to lose a few pounds.

**27\. Insult Beliebers**

It was a well known fact that America hated Justin Beiber, no matter how many fan girls that lived in the USA. America hated him so much, he spent an entire day at the fountain of the mall plaza holding up a picture of Beiber, screaming, "Have you seen this woman." He refused to let anyone correct him and got seven bruises, but he claimed 'it was all totally worth it.'

**28\. Challenge people to duels (with rolls of wrapping paper)**

It started with Egypt going shopping in a mall on the border of Greece and Turkey.

It progressed with Greece and Turkey facing each other off in the gift wrapping section.

It ended with both nations having an enormous fee to pay for the damage caused at the mall.

**29\. Evade a stalker**

After another chaotic meeting, Russia found something that Japan had left behind. He inspected it, and it appeared to be a soda machine cover. If he held it up to its full height, he would blend in with Moscow's urban background perfectly. And that was how Russia came to carry the soda machine cover with at all times within a hundred feet of Belarus.

**30\. Play Flappy Birds**

America had mysteriously disappeared for a good week or two. Being his personal leash, Canada went to inspect the American's New York condo. He found him there surrounded by empty Mcnugget boxes, muttering something about "stupid bird won't stop dying" while frantically punching his iPhone. It took them four hours to separate America from his iPhone and the phone was confiscated by Canada until the superpower would behave himself.

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**So yeah. I got 29 when I heard of a Japanese invention where you hold up the soda machine cover and blend in perfectly with the Tokyo background. They did say it was designed to evade stalkers. Please review after reading and keep on reading this!**


	7. 31 to 35

**I got news. IMMA GOING TO CHINA! Do not fear, I'll still update my stories, and stuff, but it'll be quite busy for the next few days so I won't be able to update a it the next week, so I'll be trying to update as fast as I can. Meanwhile, enjoy!**

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**31\. Watch too much Batman**

Cuba was just shopping at a store when America in a Batman suit suddenly jumped out of a clothes rack with Canada dressed as Robin. He screamed, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!" He then proceeded to drag Canada with him (literally) outside with at least a dozen security guards at their heels.

**32\. Practice your audition for American Idol**

America decided it was a great idea to practice for his upcoming audition for American Idol.

In front of the Walmart security cameras.

**33\. Play Geometry Dash**

With another popular infuriating app game on the loose again, Canada once again had to untangle America from his device with the help of five other nations. America kept kicking and shouting that "Canada would pay for this act of atrocity."

**34\. Tell your parents about your dream job**

England would often wake up from night mares of Sealand telling him that his dream job was to work at Dairy Queen. During those nights, he would often scream in terror if he saw a milkshake or anything resembling one.

**35\. Be late**

When asked why he was late to a meeting, Italy just replied, "I had to harvest my crops on Hay Day."

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**Geometry Dash. Oh my god, I love that game.**


	8. 36 to 40

**36\. Take care of a pet**

South Korea had missed two meetings in a row, and North Korea had cornered him for interrogation session. After the session, North Korea said that South claimed he missed the meetings because his pet rock had a seizure both times. China and North vowed to punish him as soon as he came back into consciousness.

**37\. Welcome people to a place.**

All Vietnam wanted to do was to use the bathroom. Instead, she found America hiding in there, dressed as wizard. He looked at her, and said, "Ah young one, welcome to Narnia." She quickly slammed the door behind her, forgetting her need to pee.

**38\. Bring Wildlife in.**

It was Celebrate Your Wildlife day at World Conference. Dramatic entrances were everything. Canada entered by crashing a hole through the wall by riding a moose, Denmark rode a red deer in and made a second hole, Russia and his bear created several more holes as they strolled in, and France flew in with several pigeons holding him up. Surprisingly, they made a hole too. After fixing the wall up temporarily with duct tape stolen from Sealand, America rode in on his Bald Eagle, and made ANOTHER HOLE.

England sighed, frustration visible on his face. "Is there anybody else that wants to crash through the wall?"

He got his answer as Thailand and India came in, destroying the entire wall as they rode on their herd of elephants.

**39\. Combine foods.**

Let's just say it ended with a hamburger with dumplings, pasta, bacon ice cream, salmon, croissants, and wurst sausages inside it while being dipped in Vodka, maple syrup, and English tea. Nobody wanted to touch it and to this day, America claims that it haunts the halls of Japan's Kyoto meeting building.

**40\. Pet rock vet checks. **

N. Korea somehow walked in on S. Korea demanding a vet to give his pet rock its annual shots. He threatened to call PETA if they didn't.

N. Korea walked out slowly, wondering how much the crazy American had influenced his brother.


	9. 41 to 45

**41\. Forget to turn off your swag**

"AMERICA! Why the bloody hell are you covered in spazzing females?!"

"I forgot to turn my swag off and now I'm covered in bitches. Honest mistake."

"..."

**42\. Send a present**

North Korea looked mournfully out as he breathed in the gray sky. Thank goodness they had banned those damn choco pies. His people were practically requiring it in their daily meals. He peered at the horizon, focusing his lacking eyes on some strange shapes that looked like... balloons? Ah well, they were probably nothing.

_An hour later..._

"DONGSAENG! Why in the world did you send hundreds of choco pies in balloons to me?! You know they are banned here!"

"Ummm..." S. Korea nervously left a tense silence in the air. "I have to feed my pet rock. Bye!"

"DONGSAENG!"

**43\. Train**

"...Romania?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you take off that bicycle helmet?"

"No. It's part of my astronaut training."

"..."

**44\. Decorate a cake**

"Happy birthday Vietnam!"

Vietnam laughed, her face showing a rare sign of ease, until she frowned at the cake before her.

"Um... Guys? Why are there road flares in the cake?"

Everybody looked at America, who was scarfing the down the cupcakes he, ironically, brought.

"What? I thought you might like them!"

**45\. The meaning of Stonehenge**

_"What is the meaning of Stonehenge?" _England sang, the trees rustling and the wind blowing in agreement. And suddenly, the clouds parted, and a flurry of wings flew down. He adjusted his eyes to the shining sight, and he saw his mother, the ancient Britianna, with a lovely robe on. She held a parchment note, and held it out for him, beckoning him to take it. He held his breath as he grasped the parchment and slowy opened it, hoping for the answer to a question he had for centuries-

**_'I have no fucking idea'_**

_"..."_

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**42 actually happened O_o an 44 is just a sad attempt to make up for missing Vietnam's birthday in my other fic. *goes to sit in corner* And the last one happened on this amazing tumblr **


	10. 46 to 50

**OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER DURRRR *crying in corner* On the other hand, we're at the 50 mark now! Yea!**

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**46\. Television Tint**

"Ukraine?"

"Hm?"

"Can we change the TV tint so the people won't look like they're green anymore?"

"No, let's keep it. I like this way better."

"..."

**47\. Write the ending to a book on the front page**

"GODDAMNIT AMERICA!"

"HAHAHA! The hero strikes once again!"

**48\. ** **Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.**

"...And 0 bottles of beer on the wall!"

"Thank the bloody queen it's ove-"

"Let's sing '999 bottles of beer' now America ~da-ze!"

"NOO ~aru!"

**49\. Call McDonalds to make reservation for an evening dinner.**

"Hello? Hey guys, what's up today? This hero, calling in to make a very fancy reservation at yo restaurant for a business dinner! I think we'll be there 7:00, to give you guys a memo. Hero out!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Um, boss. You might want to take a look at this message..."

**50\. Watch history documentaries.**

"Hahaha! I so beat your ass in that war!"

"They're beginning to talk about how you were conquered and enslaved by me now."

"GOD DAMNIT ASDFWWEGDFCD-"

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**46 is nod to my 100 things Nations cannot do fic. hope you enjoyed this and please review!**


	11. 51 to 55

**51\. Dress up in a trench coat and wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone and say "The rooster is in the nest." Hand them a cap gun and say, "Use this wisely."**

Liechtenstein handed the cap gun over to big brother Switzerland and told him about the encounter she had with the American. After the World Meeting, The Swiss walked out with a terrified looking American in his iron grip.

Few people would be brave enough to endure what America underwent after.

**52\. Febreeze**

Few nations knew what the heck was going on when Turkey came stumbling out of the meeting room, gasping for air and dropping dead on the floor quickly, with putrid scents of "Ginger Verbana" and "Greek Seaside" came wafting out from the room.

It took a week to clean up the Febreeze poison gas and during that time, the American culprit was subject to many, many boring lectures and punishments.

**53\. HuH**

_"Hm Hm Volume up_  
_ The moment you've all been waiting for_  
_ Attention everybody in this corner from the Cube_  
_ Ha ha show me"_

"DONGSAENG! If you don't turn that racket down from your side of the border, I'll-"

_"Say humph (huh huh, huh huh)_  
_ Say humph (huh huh, huh huh)_  
_ Say humph (huh) Say humph (huh)_  
_ Nan nae mamdaero nae meotdaero hae (huh huh, huh huh)"_

"ARRGHHH!"

And S. Korea was never heard from again.

(Just kidding, last time we heard, he was planning on building giant screens to broadcast the music videos along with the K-Pop that he blares across the border.)

**54\. Ashiaraiyashiki**

England took a calm sip of his Kabuse Cha. Visiting Japan and having tea with him always made him feel less tense. And he had plenty tension to release, considering he had to act as a personal leash for all of his British Isles brothers, America, and many more.

"Mmm. I love this flavor. What is the recipe?" He inquired Japan, who was sipping his own cup of tea. Japan gave him enigmatic smile and opened his mouth, but not before a loud stomping started, shaking the house.

It was a small wonder that England didn't spit out his tea. "What in the Queen's name is that?!" He cried, nearly choking from the tea that was almost spat out. Japan grew pale. "The Ashiaraiyashiki." he croaked out. "It has returned."

"The what?" England asked, but not before Japan quickly grabbed him and ran out of the house as if his manga collection depended on. As it turned out, it did.

And that was how England spent his Saturday cleaning up an enormous filthy foot.

I know. Japan has yet to explain this incident to him in detail.

**55\. Armed Police**

"Hey Iceland!"

The said Iceland stopped in his tracks and turned around. "Yes America?"

The enthusiastic American caught up to him, still grinning broadly. "Dude, I heard that only one person's been killed by your armed police since you became an independent republic in, like, 1944! How do you do it, man?"

Iceland pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Well, it isn't that difficult, but I have no military and-"

"OH SHIT!" America quickly pulled out a gun and began to shooting madly. "PEW PEW! Yeah, run little squirrel! You don't mess me! 'MURICA!"

"...I see."

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**The ****Ashiaraiyashiki is a mythical Japanese yokai, a giant unwashed foot that will appear before you and demand to be washed. If you refuse, it will rampage through out your house.**

**Please review!**


	12. 56 to 60

**56\. Talk about zombies**

"YOUR GOVERNMENT LITERALLY HAS A PLAN FOR THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE?!"

America nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, my bosses got a plan in case the Walking Dead becomes a reality!"

England literally had to choke down one of his scones down in order not to laugh at his former colony.

"But… what if the zombie apocalypse never does happen?"

America's brows furrowed. "Hey, I know that it's possible from watching youtube videos and awesome science articles. For example, there's the possibility of this ant fungus, that literally takes over ant brains and kills them, mutating into something that could affect humans- Yo Germany!"

Germany turned his head towards the North American nation. "Can you hand me that megaphone?"

He grabbed the amplifier and shouted out loudly into it, "WILL ANYONE TELL IGGY THAT MY GOVERNMENT IS NOT CRAZY FOR PREPARING FOR THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE?"

The room's heads all slowly turned towards the one who had yelled. France sniggered a little bit, and then asked, "Are you serious?"

Once, again the American bobbed his head up and down wildly, expecting them all to side with him.

Instead, the room burst into peals of laughter, some nations literally crying from laughter, others pounding on the desk like their very life depended on it (poor table…).

"We'll see who's laughing when the zombies do start to take over..."

**57\. Shout things that would otherwise be weird**

"SUCK BALL! I knew that the fortune cookie would give me bad luck today!"

"You say the weirdest things ever…"

"You were the one who yelled, 'The Kama Sutra is better than this' in the middle of the airport while reading 50 shades of grey.."

"Touche."

"I warned you that it would be a very shitty piece of work."

**58\. Send drunken threats through text messaging**

_Romania:_ -I WILL POOP INSIDE OF YOU-

_Bulgaria: _-Are you drunk-

_Romania: _-NO WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT? I WILL SERIOUSLY POOP INSIDE OF YOU-

_Bulgaria: _-oh god you are-

**59\. Dildos**

"GERMANY!"

"...Is Prussia playing on your piano with a dildo again?"

"Why else do you think I called you?!"

**60\. Dress like an anime character with pigtails and everything**

"For soft power… yeah... Aiyaa, the sacrifices I make for world domination..."

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**Okay, I was having a conversation with my friend about the zombie apocalypse and she was talking about how the US government legit had a plan if it did happen. I laughed, being from another nation, and said of course the United States gov would legitimately plan for the zombie apocalypse. She looked at me and said, "Well, will you be laughing when everyone's dead but we're alive?" Lol...**

**Alright, I saw this comic on stirringwind tumblr, about how China was dressed up in that girly anime outfit like in that comic strip, and he was just powdering his face with a bunch of other girly accessories, and just saying, soft power soft power, the sacrifices I make for world domination... I couldn't not use it here...**


	13. 61 to 65

**61\. Cotton Balls**

One cold day, Poland discovered that if he dipped cotton balls in water, they would stick to anything when the temp was cold enough.

And that was why Russia couldn't go to the meeting on Friday because his car was covered entirely in cotton balls.

**62\. Old Geezer**

And for the rest of the day, all of Asia referred to China and India as "Old farts".

**63\. YuGiOh**

"Don't worry Egypt, with the Millenium items, you will never lose!"

"...That's just an anime…"

**64\. TP the Meeting room as much as possible**

When the nations entered the meeting room that morning, they had no idea if they were in the right place. The entire room was covered in the white tissue and they could barely make out where the walls ended and the ceiling began. It took them forever to get rid of the toilet paper and it didn't help that the less mature nations were randomly diving into the tissue, yelling, "CANNONBALL!"

Meanwhile, a certain Canadian was chuckling evilly outside the building.

**65\. Run through the Make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!"**

Iran glared at Qatar. "My make up does not make me look like a dead body.", they said as they held the younger nation up from their collar.

Kuwait tried to squirm out of the older nation's grip. "Saudi said so!"

Iran and Saudi Arabia then proceeded to engage in a verbal shit flinging contest. Much time was wasted that day.

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**My headcanon is that Iran is male down on paper but identifies as gender-fluid and enjoys wearing clothing and accessories of either genders. Any pronouns are fine but I refer to Iran as 'they'. Saudi Arabia and Iran are currently fighting for influence in the Middle East.**


	14. 66 to 70

**66\. McDonalds**

"Damn it Russia, will you please stop taking out your hate for me on McDonald's?! You took _McRibs _away from their menu, you monster."

"Fredka, I launched into that investigation in Ronald McDonald House Charities for a reason. We had evidence that they were laundering money!"

"...Dude. Do you know how corrupt one has to be investigated by your government? Way more corrupt than Ol' Ronald."

**67\. Europe**

"China? What do you say makes a West European nation a West European nation?" Taiwan asked, looking at her brother..

"Well, there's a lot of factors that play into that, but my definition would be 'has a history of starting wars'." the older nation replied as he continued on writing a paper.

Taiwan blinked once, then fell into raucous laughter. "If that was the definition of a Western European nation, you would be one too!" she sniggered, barely able to control her trembling body.

**68\. Old People**

"Ugh, I'm so jaded that I don't care about you and your 'swag'."

"I'm so old and so cynical, let's go do old people stuff like drinking tea and yelling at the kids to get off our lawn."

"I'm ugly shrivelled raisin who can't be a cool person."

…

…

...

"Stupid babies, thinking that they're so funny and witty and are great at imitating our voices. Hey, China, remember that one time you time sacrificed prisoners of wars to the gods?"

"Do I ever, aiyaa. Remember when you would execute prisoners by tying them to the bottoms of elephants' feet and stomping their bodies around in a courtyard?"

"Oh yeah! And then that one time..."

...

...

...

"Old people are terrifying."

"Yeah."

**69\. Hockey**

America and Canada were walking down the sidewalk one say when Canada abruptly stopped. America followed suit.

Canada glance around, and said, "Is that…?"

America sniffed and nodded, "Smells like…"

Both of them grinned evilly, the light casting sharp shadows on their expressions.

"_**Hockey"**_

_Let the Stanley cup playoffs begin._

**70\. Putin**

"Bro, your boss looks like Max from that rabbit show, Max &amp; Ruby. I'm not even kidding."

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**Tbh, Russia kind of does take out their American Anger on Mcdonalds. When the American sanctions went into place, the Russian removed the Filet o fish, claiming that the calorie content was three times higher than advertised (like that's their biggest concern from a Russian Mcdonald's fish..) And when they did do an investigation for the Ronald McDonald House Charities, most of their evidence came from is the fact that they listed some of their assets under "other" on a tax form that was posted **_**publicly on their own website. **_**No one posts evidence of money laundering on the internet. Thats not how crime is supposed to work, you dum dums.**

**If you look at the history of a lot of Western European nations (minus switzerland), you will see that they caused a lot of wars that happened. Tbh, aggressive and expansionist China is pretty historical. Many dynasties were spent on warfare and maintain military interests and while China did invent a lot of stuff, a lot of warfare innovations came from China and they fought quite often, thinking themselves to be better than those 'barbarians' outside of the Yellow River, where China got his start. So really, China's being kind of hypocritical when he complains about all those little nations starting wars when he's been doing the same thing (and still is) for his long, 4000+ lifetime. **


	15. 71 to 75

**71\. Soccer**

Vietnam gave the soccer ball another kick that sent it flying.

...straight into Hong Kong's face, knocking him unconscious and bloody. You could practically see everyone in the field sweatdrop.

"E-Eh-Eh!?" Taiwan exclaimed nervously at Vietnam, who was now knocking over Macau as if he were a toy doll. "Um, aren't you around 4,000 years?! Calm down!"

"NEVER! I'LL NEVER BE TOO OLD TO WIN!"

**72\. Milkshake**

"Want some of my milkshake, China?"

"...India. Is that marijuana in milkshake form?

"Maybe."

**73\. Crowns**

"Wow, Austria, you have such beautiful crowns!" Denmark exclaimed. "But they hardly match up to mine!" he says as he holds up an equally bejeweled and sparkly crown.

"Haha, you'd be kidding yourself if you think your crown is better than mine!" Prussia grinned as he triumphantly displayed his gold crown on top of his head. The nations began to bicker amongst themselves over who had the best crown before a particular American stepped in, beaming.

"I think we're forgetting the most important one of all… 'MURICA!" shouted America as he proudly held up his Burger King crown.

**74\. Big Brother**

"Call me elder brother or I'll smash your computer to bits with a stick of butter."

Iceland had to admit, Norway was getting desperate.

**75\. Water World War**

No one knows how it began. Maybe a nation tossed a water balloon at another teasingly and it spiraled out of control. Maybe someone got a SuperSoaker from Santa and decided to celebrate this by squirting it all over the place. Maybe a certain Mediterranean nation got a new toy (hint, hint, a titanic hose with a fucking van on top of it) and decided to let all hell break loose in the process of showing it off.

"FUCK YOU TURKEY. FUCK YOU."

"Say all you want Greece, but you can't deny that this awesome. So, how about another spray in the face?"

* * *

**In 71, Vietnam is almost as old as China, dating back to the Mid Hong Bang dynasty. The early Hong Bang dynasty people lived in the mountains and in the early years of the Hong Bang dynasty, people began moving to the lowlands, so I place her birth around this time period.**

**For number 72, it's not uncommon to consume marijuana in milkshake form in India lol.  
Turkey legitimately got a truck with a huge hose on top of it to control protests and riots. (I wouldn't be surprised if the inventor was the same person who designed the water gun loaded with tear gas)**


	16. 76 to 80

**76\. Flag**

"America, you don't need to spend a 10 million dollars to fly back to the moon again just to re-erect your flag! Besides, you still have that debt to pay off to China!"

"Nonsense France! He was the one who knocked my flag down in the first place! The debt can wait, but _patriotism can't._"

**77\. Walk up to an old geezer and say, "GRANDPA! You're alive! It's a miracle!"**

Needless to say, India wasn't as amused by this as the rest of the Indian subcontinent.

**78\. Tea**

_WWI…_

"Goddamnit England, stop wasting all those rounds to boil your tea! We need the rounds more than your precious Earl Grey!"

"Are you implying that bullets are worth more than my tea?! A ridiculous notion, you should've seen their price in the 1800s!"

**79\. Grab a can of whipped cream and spray it on a bald guy's head.**

The South Korean found out soon enough that even Tibet's mystical self-control had limits too.

**80\. Make a man out of you**

"Are you trying to tell me that you're one of the most powerful countries in the world but can't break steel with your forehead?! What kind of man are you? I hope you know how weak and pathetic you are, especially once you've gone through my training program!"

After the Allies managed to take China's wok away and knocking him out to sleep his drunkenness off, the remaining nations quickly hobbled back home (or as quickly as they could…) to rest their intensely sore muscles from China's agonizing five hour workout, intended to train any army in 3 minute music video.

* * *

**76: So i saw this thing on Tumblr where people were joking about how if China did make it to the moon and knocked over all the American flags, America would 100% spend millions to put it back lol.**

**77: WWI soldiers would fire thousands of rounds over the German trenches to boil the coolant water in their machine guns to make tea. **


	17. 81 to 85

**81\. The Red Berets**

Every year, the country of Belarus has its new army recruits undergo through quite possibly the most dangerous assault course in the world since Genghis Khan and the Romans in order to earn the "Red Beret" title, the most prized status in Belarusian society. It involves jumping over numerous burning tires several feet below the recruits, navigating through narrow tunnels full of gas while wearing masks, and balancing on beams as current Berets throw tires and/or 'playfully' shoot rifles. Very few recruits ever pass through, 17 out of the 150 soldiers made it through in 2012. The results haven't changed at all in the past few years.

And every year, the Belarusian government sends a certain woman to show these weaklings how it's **really **done.

**82\. Military Uniforms**

"So that means you're interested?" America inquired as he looked at the mirror, which displayed the word HOMO on Russia's back.

"Hm? Whatever do you mean, Fredka?"

**83\. Mean Girls**

It started with Monaco asking Italy if he was going to re enact Mean Girls with Poland (jokingly, mind you).

It proceeded with dozens and dozens of countries joining in.

It ended with the BTT running over dozens of countries with a pink school bus.

**84\. Memes**

_China: _

WHAT

ARE

THOOOOSSSSEEEE

_The rest of East Asia:_

Grandpa

Grandpa pls

stop

you're too old to shitpost

**85\. Transformers 4**

"YOU KNOW WHAT I BLAME YOU AMERICANS YOU FINALLY CAUGHT ON TO MICHAEL BAY'S BULLSHIT SO NOW THEY HAVE TO MARKET THIS PIECE OF UTTER TRASH TO MY CITIZENS GODDAMNIT THEY SPENT MORE TIME JUSTIFYING SEX WITH MINORS THAN EXPLAINING WHY THE SEARS TOWER IS IN THE BACKGROUND OF FUCKING HONG KONG"

Hong Kong finally collapsed about a few hours of ranting in his drunken madness. China and America ignored because A) The movie put Chinese brands all over the place so more money for the old geezer, and B) America, like Hong Kong said, already caught on to thehalf baked crap Bay was pulling out of his ass so didn't respond to the Asian's complaints.

* * *

**You can look up 'Red Berets Obstacle Course' to see pictures of it! Most of them include fire, gases, blood, or all of them. **

**In Russia, they have the OMON which is basically the Russian version of SWAT. The thing is, the N in cyrillic looks like H, so at first glance, it just looks like OMOH. But when a OMON soldier turns his back to a mirror...**


	18. 86 to 90

**86\. American Strategy**

"If I don't know what I'm doing, then how can the enemy possibly know what I'm doing?"

"That... actually explains a lot…."

**87\. Suffer for your art**

"So you're telling me that your red markers all died so you used your blood to color the drawing in? And now you're regretting it because blood turns brown when it dries, not because you've lost a sizable portion of your bodily fluids?"

"...I wasn't kidding when I said the deadlines leave me half dead, Taiwan-san."

**88\. Gravity**

"Apparently America spent more money on a movie in fictional outer space than I did on my mission to get into actual outer space? I can't say I'm surprised."

**89\. Comrade**

"_Comrade, steel production is down,_

_I said comrade, you must sleep on the ground,_

_I said comrade, you best wipe off that frown or you'll spend! A! Month! In the gulags!_

_There is no fun in the U-S-S-R! It's no fun at the U-S-S-R!_

_You shall be working all day, and be working all night, because for Mother Russia you will fight!_

_Comrade, you'll be shot in a ditch!_

_I said comrade, if you speak you'll be snitched!_

_I said comrade, you will never get hitched because you'll die! Of! Starvation!"_

Everyone on the judging committee voted for Russia's version. When asked why, they cited "historical accuracy".

**90\. Obama Action Figures**

"BROBAMA! Check this it out! I bought this action figure of you with kick-ass katanas from Japan!"

"...Alfred. I think we might need to have a talk with Japan."

* * *

**86: One American commander actually said something alon****g the lines to this.**

**88: They really did spend more money on the movie Gravity than India did on their Mars Mission… **

**MARS MISSION: 73 million US dollars**

**GRAVITY MOVIE: 100 million US dollars**

**89's link: post/131058266797/senspookyarchy-spookyblackconservative**


End file.
